Looking Back \ Part Three

The beginning of the end Three weeks before my husband was admitted to inpatient hospice, he experienced an increase in bone pain. His daily medications were no longer easing his discomfort. I remember the initial comment from his hospice nurse, … Continue reading →

Street Walking

Street Walking By Terry Ratner, RN, MFA She walks the streets by my house. Denim jeans hide the thinness of her legs. A fanny pack buckled around her waist conceals the pack of cigarettes she needs to get through the … Continue reading →

Looking Back Part 2

 Looking Back Part 2  Clips from a summer journal  July 2, 2010 Chemo side-effects: Fatigue Lethargy Bloating Constipation Hiccups throughout day Wednesday evening (11 p.m.) Michael is still constipated.  We drive to CVS to pick-up Milk of Magnesia, Miralex, a … Continue reading →

Looking Back

    Looking Back  During a recent rainy day in Phoenix, I began reading a journal I kept when my husband, Michael, was dealing with esophageal cancer. I remember when he bought me this compact purple cloth book with flowers … Continue reading →

Let the Sighs Begin

Let the Sighs Begin   You might feel a gradual welling up of pleasure, or boredom, or misery. Whatever the emotion, it’s more abundant than you ever dreamed. You can no more contain it than your hands can cup a … Continue reading →

The Sounds of Sunday Morning

THEN Early on in our marriage, Sunday became a day of contention, mainly because my husband, Michael, preferred his cycling pleasures over spending morning hours with me. He’d set the alarm for 8:00 am, slip out of bed and head … Continue reading →

A Study in Morbidity

A Study in Morbidity   The Last Photo My husband died November of 2010, at 2:04 p.m.—one week before Thanksgiving. I know the time because when he took his last breath, for some reason, I glanced up at the clock. … Continue reading →

Looking Back Part II

Looking Back Part II  The beginning of the end Two weeks before my husband was admitted to inpatient hospice, he experienced an increase in bone pain. His daily medications were no longer easing his discomfort. I remember the initial comment … Continue reading →

Looking Back October 31, 2011

October 31, 2011 Looking Back  It’s Halloween night, but the outside lights are turned off. I don’t expect any ghosts or ghouls ringing my door bell in hopes of a treat. I’m upstairs in the study clicking away on the … Continue reading →

One Year Later \ November 2011

One Year Later November \ 2011 On a Monday afternoon, November 8, 2010, an ambulance attendant pulled into the circular driveway to bring my husband, Michael, to the Coronado House, an inpatient facility for end-of-life comfort measures. I knew when … Continue reading →